Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
