Reggie can tackle my bush.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
