dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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