Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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