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her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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