then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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