A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Your cock deserves a montage
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
