I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
