operation harelip BJ is a go
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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