Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just cut my nipple shaving
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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