just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
