I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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