Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
