But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
