just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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