I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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