Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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