Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm really busy with my period
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