I just made out with a guy for $7.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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