ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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