I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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