apparently the secret to your success is patron
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
