i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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