I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
