I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
