at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
