WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm like, not good at living.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
