i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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