it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
