the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
