If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
