I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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