Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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