i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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