Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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