He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
