i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
