I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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