Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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