worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
