Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
