Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
