Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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