420 ftw
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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