i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
