I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
