Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
