I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
