come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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