it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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