If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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