Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
