I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
