I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
